このビジネス英文メールの書き方 第6回(最終回)では、苦情やクレームへの対応のメールを採りあげます。
この状況でもしあなた(ABC Corp.の営業部員)が以下のようなメールを書いたら、相手はどう感じるでしょうか。
Dear Mr. Watson:
Frankly, we are stunned by your recent email in which you blame the problem of your PCs on us. It is a well-established fact that security software by nature accesses sensitive areas of the operating system and unexpected problems may occur if two different anti-virus programs reside inside one PC. This is common sense in the computer world that everybody is aware of, and no software companies bother to warn about it in their manuals. In fact, we have never received complaints about the omission of such warnings even from novice users. We also hope you will understand that it is simply impossible to thoroughly check how other companies’ products would behave in the presence of ours. Unfortunately, we are not in a position to accept a claim for damages resulting from users’ negligence, which is outside of our responsibility. I would appreciate your understanding.
Sincerely yours,
(signature)
このメールは文法的にはほとんど間違いがありませんが、一読して読者は、冷たくて感じが悪いという印象をもつでしょう。一つには、問題がユーザー側の知識不足や不注意に起因することを強調し自社製品での警告の欠如を正当化している(責任回避の姿勢が見られる)ことです。知識不足を指摘する文にも上から目線が感じられます。
警告の欠如でメーカー責任が問われることは法的に確立していますが、このようなあいまいな「常識」をもとに責任を回避できるかどうかは、実際に訴訟が起こってみないと分かりません。その点を別にして、ビジネス英文Eメールの観点から検討してみましょう。
冒頭の文には”you”が3回も現れ、対決姿勢が顕著ですので好ましくありません。”stun”や”blame”も意味的には正しいですが、響きが強過ぎます。
“well-established fact”、“common sense”、“everybody is aware of”、“no software companies bother”、 “never received … even from novice users”、“simply impossible”なども、相手を馬鹿にしたような語句で、読んだ人は気分を害するでしょう。
次に、感情問題を起こさないよう表現を和らげつつ、相手の要求を退ける形に書き直した例を示します。
Dear Mr. Watson,
Thank you very much for choosing our anti-virus product. We are sorry to hear about the technical issues you are experiencing after the purchase.
Upon examining the phenomena and usage environment, our support engineer believes that the issues are most likely caused by a conflict of use between our product and a similar product from another vendor, as we previously explained. It appears that in installing our product, the general rule commonly held in the industry of: “first uninstall the existing one” was not adhered to. It is regrettable that this best practice is not explicitly mentioned in most user manuals, including ours, and was hence somehow overlooked. Therefore, I am afraid we are not in a position to accept responsibility for such incidental damage. We again suggest that now it would be best to uninstall all the anti-virus products, including ours, currently installed on your machines and then to install ours anew. We believe this suggested action will solve the problem.
As always, we weigh feedback from our valued customers such as you carefully and would be delighted if you continued to do business with us.
Sincerely yours,
(signature)
2023年5月19日
特定非営利活動法人 プロフェッショナルイングリッシュコミュニケーション協会
理事 平井 通宏(技術士 情報工学)